Self esteem build or bust

Approval, criticism and confidence

We often search for others to approve of us, make us feel valuable, or even just OK.

If our personal esteem and/or confidence are low we can do one of two basic things.

1/ We can honestly build ourselves up, developing real self-esteem and confidence through self validation – honest acknowledgement of what is right about who we are.

2/ We can attempt to tear others down through criticism, judgement or abuse so that we think we feel better than them for a moment. Though we do not really feel better about ourselves at all.

Unfortunately the second route is not only destructive, but also extremely temporary. The short-term ego hit we get from this criticism last less and less, and we end up feeling worse about ourselves, requiring yet another hit of superiority. This critical attitude and behaviour erodes our own esteem and leaves us feeling lower on the esteem scale than before. Causing the cycle to repeat. Break the cycle … choose to search for the good, in ourselves and others.

The only sustainable action is to build our own self-esteem, own our self-worth and develop confidence in ourselves. Then consciously and selectively in those we care about. Happiness is contagious. Look each day for what we honestly appreciate and value in who we are, our lives and our experiences. Initially it can be difficult as we are so used to searching for, and paying attention to, what is wrong. In time, we are able to develop the skill of personal esteem – esteeming who we really are.

Self esteem build or bust

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Richard Riche

Change Communication and Employee Engagement specialist at One Clear Message Consulting

Richard specialises in helping you build real human communication skills. Employee Engagement / Experience, Emotional Intelligence skills, building high performance teams and a great place you want to work. TED style speaking and presentation skills. Training, consulting and coaching.